baby, thank you so much for coming to australia for me. and even though i just came back from sending you off at the airport, i miss you so much, i keep crying.. i dont want to live in the reality anymore.

but i guess you came here for a purpose to make us fall in love all over, to start all over a a new couple on a clean slate. but somethings cant be forgotten..

i was changing our msn nick just, and i just miss you so much.. but when i typed “toshihiro”, and i know that the first half of your name, the cute half, she calls you by that name.. and the second more common half, is what everyone else calls you. and it just makes me feel like i’ll never be the special one, you know? now even typing ur name makes me cry.. how stupid can i get?

baby i just miss you so much.. getting through what has happened to us is already not easy, and furthermore we’re not together.

i really need your hugs now..

baby, i miss you so much..

you said, if we break up, you will wait for me to come back.

its like, you knew we were gonna break up. but then why wait for me to come back then, when it was you who broke up with me so coldly?

i was telling you my fears. there is nothing i can do about the case at hand either, cos i dont dare. i just wanted to share cos theres no one else i can trust to share the story with.

but you broke up with me.

i told you i live with an unsound mind and you broke up with me.

nikkihebert:

aradiantshadow:caryrulesyourworld:whenyougethomeyouresodead:wrapyourlovingarmsaroundme

the vow that people turn their backs on.

but im true when i say, ‘i love you’. im true to my feelings. but sometimes, feelings shouldnt be worn on the sleeve, cos neither of us are.

this post is just to tell you, i love you. i know we’re going through this super crappy time now, and we probably will be the weeks to come. but i want you to realise one day, that even though i was ignoring you, i was thinking about you a lot. and in a positive way. and because you hardly read the posts here.

this is post will also tell you, i did something you forbade me to ever do again. im sorry. but my wounds arent deep. i did it after your second call last night. i really couldnt sleep. i just sat on the floor crying. its so cold and lonely here, its worse when i know i dont have you standing by me, that you could leave anytime.

the whole night i kept waking up. i kept dreaming that you came here to find me, that you would actually give up your everything for a little time with me. i even dreamt that i just woke up from a dream, so that meant you were real. but the whole night, i would wake up to my empty dark room only to realise it wasnt true. then i would sleep and have the same recurring dream again and again..

then came that sms. the sms that said you were afraid of being in a relationship with me. that made me so angry. the fact that youre afraid. i hate it when youre afraid. cos that would mean you dont have faith. that my one pillar of strength, is afraid. how would that make you feel?

so i just wanna end it off here, that you have hurt me deeply in the last 24 hours. but i still love you, you idiot.

because you already ignored me the whole of yesterday, because you had to rush off and we didnt get to talk enough, because i specifically asked you to message me before you slept last night, but you didnt, because i spent the whole day thinking you were busy, only to find out you were at your comp anws. because it just feels like you’d much rather not have me in your life anyway.

cos you always made me feel, that your game is more important than me.

here comes another day i dont get to say goodnight to you, and to you it seems alright, like its alright we dont end the day together.
and here comes another day, you got angry cos i asked you why you always not at your computer.
so here ends another day, i go to sleep in tears, thinking you dont really care much about us, about me, anymore.
goodnight.

baby,

i have so many things to say to you, but youre either busy or not at your computer. and sometimes i dont wanna leave messages cos i dunno who will be reading it if youre not around.

just that now im in quite of a pissy mood. just got accused that i wet the whole toilet floor while washing my face by my mom just cos my sis saw me washing my face.. then she just whisper to my mom.. then my mom cannot even see me, just keep shouting asking if i wet the WHOLE FLOOR. argh. and i didnt okay. they keep saying its me, but it isnt.. summore i wearing socks, i will know if i wet the floor and i hate that feeling.. then i keep telling her no, then she keep asking and asking.. very irritating to get accused just cos my sis say so.

anyway, you know this long dist thing. its hard.. i wish you were here. really.. the way we talk on msn.. its like you really love not having me around.. just how i feel about you.. and its difficult that you always like not eager to talk to me on msn..

oh well. i really dont wanna say too much to you cos you get angry really quickly, and you know, there are really a lot of things i wanna say but i always cut it down cos i scared we argue, and i dont wanna argue.

so there. baby, i miss you, and i truly hope, you are really missing me too.

(via raindropsonredroses)