the vow that people turn their backs on.

but im true when i say, ‘i love you’. im true to my feelings. but sometimes, feelings shouldnt be worn on the sleeve, cos neither of us are.

this post is just to tell you, i love you. i know we’re going through this super crappy time now, and we probably will be the weeks to come. but i want you to realise one day, that even though i was ignoring you, i was thinking about you a lot. and in a positive way. and because you hardly read the posts here.

this is post will also tell you, i did something you forbade me to ever do again. im sorry. but my wounds arent deep. i did it after your second call last night. i really couldnt sleep. i just sat on the floor crying. its so cold and lonely here, its worse when i know i dont have you standing by me, that you could leave anytime.

the whole night i kept waking up. i kept dreaming that you came here to find me, that you would actually give up your everything for a little time with me. i even dreamt that i just woke up from a dream, so that meant you were real. but the whole night, i would wake up to my empty dark room only to realise it wasnt true. then i would sleep and have the same recurring dream again and again..

then came that sms. the sms that said you were afraid of being in a relationship with me. that made me so angry. the fact that youre afraid. i hate it when youre afraid. cos that would mean you dont have faith. that my one pillar of strength, is afraid. how would that make you feel?

so i just wanna end it off here, that you have hurt me deeply in the last 24 hours. but i still love you, you idiot.